Jacob had baggage. His past haunted him as he lived on the run for two decades.
He left home with nothing but as he turned his life around, he returned as a very blessed man.
After years in exile, Jacob longed for home. He made the decision to face his past and seek reconciliation with his family. He had left them as a deceiver. He hoped they would act as a receiver and welcome him home.
He sent messengers and gifts ahead of his arrival in hopes to appease, appeal and soften hearts as those he had offended processed the thought of his return. Trust had been violated. Boundaries had been crossed. Mending fences would be a huge challenge.
The initial response from his family appeared negative. Jacob received word that his brother took action and was charging toward him with 400 warriors.
Jacob panicked. Fear swelled and doubts swirled. “What am I doing? Am I an idiot?” he proclaimed.
Then, in desperation, he turned on God. “You promised! You sent me! What now?” he petitioned before the Lord.
Jacob lost momentum and focus. He became frantic and started reorganizing, dividing and splitting up his caravan. He eventually separated himself from his immediate family and others. He got alone and found himself wrestling with his past, his future and ultimately with God!
“Who am I? I am pitiful! I have made so many bad decisions and here I am again. I have put all that I have at risk trying to gain acceptance from those in my distant past. What a fool what a failure! What an idiot! I thought I heard from God. I thought I was living on purpose according to his call and look where it has landed me,” he protested.
Looking at facing an angry army with just a few servants, women and children, he thought, “What good are all the blessings if it is all wasted?”
At one of his lowest moments a stranger enters Jacob’s tent and a fight ensues. Jacob wrestles with his opponent all through the night. As dawn breaks, he refuses to release his grip on the perpetrator. In response the man dislocates Jacob’s hip and demobilizes him. All it took was a simple supernatural touch to the thigh and it was over.
“Who are you?” Jacob asked. The real question was who was Jacob? He had lost his identity. He had been operating with a stolen birthright and for years had failed to live according to who he really was. He was a poser.
The stranger did not reveal his name, but he did declare that Jacob would have a new identity. Jacob’s past was to be left behind, and he was to step into the calling that God had placed on his life. No more being fake. No more living in fear. No more doubting or worrying. He would now walk in courage with a limp as a reminder that he had surely met God face to face and lived to tell about it. If he could survive a close encounter with the God of the universe, he could survive anything.
A new day dawned, and a new man stepped forward into a new beginning. Jacob became Israel on that day and the rest is history!
How about you? Who have you become? What defines you? What is your identity? Has the past determined your future or have you taken control of your life and determined to become the person you were meant to be?
John Newton once said, “I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be, and I am not the man I hope to be, but, by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be.”
It is time to quit wrestling with yourself and with God. Make the choice to be the person you are called to be?
(Genesis 32:22-32)
