09 Apr

Offended?

Have you been offended?

What should you do?

Lash out?

Stuff it?

Pout?

Ignore it?

Run away?

Tell others about it?

Here is a novel idea.

If someone offends you, go to them privately and make them aware of the offense.

You might be surprised to learn they had no idea that they had offended you. Or perhaps you were too sensitive or misunderstood their intentions.

If the person listens and agrees, you have had great success.

But if you are unsuccessful, consider taking one or two others with you, who love you both, in a second attempt to try to work things out.

Hearing others perspective on the matter might help resolve the issue.

Still not successful? Then you might have to agree to disagree or involve a greater body of authority to resolve the conflict. It might even mean making a necessary ending.

Maintaining valuable relationships are worth the effort. But they do require healthy communication, plenty of compromise and a desire to understand another person’s perspective.

We don’t have to agree on everything. Discussions don’t have to turn into arguments. And even the best of friends have differences of opinion.

If being right or having your way comes at the cost of a longterm friendship or important relationship, it might be time to determine what really matters most in life. It might be time to overlook an offense and lean into, not away from, those you claim to love.

REFERENCE: Matthew 18:15-17 and I Peter 4:8

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01 Apr

Growing up in the end

Growing up, the rich kids lived in big brick houses with a maid’s quarters.

We lived in quant wood framed houses the size of a maid’s quarters.

They grew up with tennis courts and swimming pools in their back yards for fun. We grew up with gardens and rabbit hutches for food.

Their mothers went to the beauty shop. Our moms were the beauticians.

Their fathers took their cars to a mechanic. Our dads were the mechanics.

They parked their cars in multi-bay garages. We parked a used car under a car port or shade tree.

They grew up with saunas. We grew up with bathtubs absent of showers.

They hired people to groom their lawns. We were the groomers.

They took their clothes to the dry cleaners. We took ours to the laundry mat.

They had microwaves and dishwashers. We had electric stoves and wash basins.

Their parents drank bottles of wine and fine champagne. Our parents drank beer and whiskey.

Their family ran for office. Our relatives ran from officers.

They came from blue blood. We came from blue collars.

They played in central heat and air.  We prayed for a cool breeze and a box fan.

They laid down cash for nearly everything. We’d pick up a few things through lay away.

Their grandparents bought cartons of cigarettes. Ours rolled their own.

They owned exotic birds and show dogs. We went quail hunting with bird dogs.

They slept with guards at the gates. We slept with guns under our pillows.

They ate in restaurants. We heated up TV dinners.

Their fathers carried briefcases. Our dads packed lunch boxes.

They went on vacations. We went crawdad fishing.

They slammed doors and stomped their feet when upset. We knocked down doors and kicked in teeth when crossed.

They went to college. We went to the company store.

They shopped at shopping malls for school clothes. We traded hand-me-downs with family and friends.

Their pockets held hundreds. Our pockets had holes.

In the end, they died and left everything behind. We died and didn’t have anything to take.

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25 Mar

Overlooking the obvious.

On a recent flight to Orlando, Florida, weather left the airport in a mess as flights were cancelled and delayed throughout the region.

As passengers were running to and fro hoping to make connections, everyone was frantically yelling and panting. Not so much because they were upset but because they weren’t being heard. Our wonderful Covid masks were muffling our best efforts to communicate.

Subsequent flights were packed as passenger were cramming into whatever seats were available. Families and couples were separated as everyone made do.

As everyone was settling in, one particular passenger began to panic. “My Beats, my Beats. I can’t find me Beats,” he said. He clearly was about to melt down.

Demonstrating the human spirit, that sometimes reminds us that the planet might survive us, everyone in our section started scouring the area in search of his high dollar, high fidelity audio device.

As we lifted up, looked under, crawled around and combed through the area, he kept repeating, “My Beats, my Beats, I can’t find my Beats.”

In attempting to recenter the search posse, a young lady asked for clarity. “Are we looking for your Beats or the cord to your Beats?”

“Not the cord. I’m looking for the Beats headset,” he replied in earnest.

There was an immediate and instant unified outburst of laughter as the young lady simply replied, “Like the ones on your head?”

Needless to say, overlooking the obvious had brought unnecessary stress but a simple change of perspective from

someone on the outside looking in brought true enlightenment and levity.

Our “Beats Buddy” blushed with embarrassment and joined in on the laughter that was occurring at his expense! The Beats had been on his head the entire time!

“My Beats, my Beats. I can’t find my beats,” is a phrase that will stick with me for sometime to come.

In my profession, I come along side leaders helping them navigate the challenges of life and work. I’m often told that helping leaders process decisions is one of the greatest benefits of the time I spend with clients.

Everyone has blindspots. No one has eyes in the backs of their head. Even Tiger Woods has a coach.

Sometimes we simply need someone to point out the obvious. “Hey man, what you are looking for is on top of your head!”

If you find yourself overlooking the obvious, remember it’s okay to consider another perspective. It might be time to hire a leadership coach. Coaches not only help you find what you are looking for, they help you get to where you want to go!

“My Beats. My Beats! I can’t find my Beats!”

I’m still giggling!

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